Image from CBS television series, S.W.A.T.
I once went through a “shoot house” training where I was in a group of people simulating crisis responders for a hostage situation. We busted through the front door of the training building, then we were to clear each room, one by one, killing any “enemies” until we rescued the hostage. We were told specifically not to stop in the doorways.
“No matter what happens, don’t stop in the doorway.”
The first room I came to, I was shot in the leg.
Thankfully we were only using pellet guns.
I totally stopped in the doorway.
I also later got confused in the haze of battle and accidentally shot the hostage. Suffice it to say, we were all grateful for pellet guns that day.
It didn’t take me long to remember I needed to keep moving, but I distinctly remember that momentary paralysis that caused me to completely seize up right before walking into the room. That moment where my lizard brain took over and caused me to act incongruently with what my goals actually were.
What I learned from that situation — besides the fact that I need more practice before attempting hostage rescues — was, you guessed it:
To never stop in the doorway.
Not in a shoot house, and not in life in general.
I’ve thought of that incident many times in the years since. Not because I’m often clearing buildings of enemies (that you know of…), but because of the analogy there about fear and hesitation. There have been times in my life where I felt like I was being offered exactly what I wanted at the finish line of a metaphorical race, yet somehow, I couldn’t get myself to cross the start line. It doesn’t happen often — because naive impulsiveness is one of my superpowers— but it definitely happens every now and then.
When it happens, I’m usually struck with the memory of that shoot house. Don’t stop in the doorway. I hear that phrase and immediately feel a little sheepish. Am I just self-sabotaging here?
Sometimes our gut tells us not to do something for a valid reason and it shouldn’t be ignored. But if we’re honest with ourselves, we probably know the difference between that and pure fear.
If you ever find yourself stopping in the doorway of something you actually really want to do, try to check in with yourself about why you’re hesitating. Is it just nervousness and negative self-talk keeping you from walking through the door into a new room of opportunity? If it is, then fling yourself in anyway! Tell someone to push you! Throw your car keys into that room so you have to go in after them! Do whatever you need to take that next step and see for yourself what’s beyond that doorway. Don’t live in regret wondering, “What if…?”
We have to stay vigilant and not let ourselves get right up to success then freeze up in fear. I’ve heard stories of people on the brink of getting their dream and they just couldn’t receive it. A friend of mine’s wife was part of a singing duo who gained buzz in Nashville until they were finally offered a record deal. When that happened, half the duo freaked and said she changed her mind and didn’t want that dream anymore. They had it right there and she let her fears of failure stop them both from walking into the room of opportunity.
I think fear and imposter syndrome are typically the main culprits of doorway-stopping, but sometimes fear masquerades as other things. Things that appear virtuous, like humility.
Yes, humility is a trait we should all strive to possess, but don’t confuse that with fear. You are not doing the world a favor by keeping yourself small. If you have something to share with the world, don’t withhold that. Even if that something might bring with it a spotlight on you, or money, or power, that doesn’t inherently make it evil. It means you’ll need to concentrate even harder on your motives and your character as you go, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t walk through the doorway anyway. Plenty of powerful, wealthy, and/or famous people have been able to bless others and serve a far-reaching purpose. Their impact would never be felt if they had talked themselves out of moving forward by scolding themselves with “Who are you to do something like that?”
I was chatting with a friend recently and he said something matter-of-factly that caught me off guard. He has been highly successful in a business he built from the ground up in his 20’s and was making millions before he turned 30. When I made a comment about the company’s success, he calmly stated, with zero arrogance, “we knew early on we were going to make a lot of money.”
He was just stating facts. He wasn’t glorifying the money and he wasn’t bragging. He stated it the same way someone would state “we knew early on we were going to need plungers in the office bathrooms.” He then went on to describe how he had plans in place for how to share that wealth responsibly. Making a ton of money was just part of his calculous, something that just happened to accompany the profession he chose. Something he had to plan around. He didn’t get caught up in it, he just had a new “problem” to solve, and he solved it by making a process for how his company would give away hundreds of thousands of dollars every time they made hundreds of thousands of dollars.
When his business started taking off, he could have hesitated, thinking “who am I to be projecting seven figure profits? I need to get off my high-horse and back where I belong!” But then the family that just moved into their own home for free this week because of his business would not have that home.
I wonder how much other good in the world might exist if we all stopped stopping in doorways. If we stopped staying “small” or stopped listening to pure fear.
And not every opportunity will bring fame, power, or fortune. That isn’t my point. My point is that we shouldn’t talk ourselves out of going after a dream because it might succeed. Or because it might not. Or because we’re scared we aren’t good enough, or that others may not understand it, or a whole host of other excuses we give ourselves that are really just fear masquerading as defendable reasons.
Even if you take a pellet to the leg, that doesn’t mean you should stop either. Again, don’t be reckless. If you take an actual bullet to the leg, I definitely recommend stopping in the doorway. But if, deep down, you know you want that thing through the doorway and you know the only thing stopping you is fear, then dust yourself off and push forward. Just don’t stop in the doorway and never move again. Push into that room and see what’s in there.
What doorway are you hesitating in front of today?