There’s an African proverb that states: If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. I love this, but it’s a huge challenge for me at the same time.

I’m a classic eschewer of group-projects. In school, I always preferred working alone because I hated not having full control over the success of a project. I also typically felt like I was doing more work than the rest of the group because I’m a Type A perfectionist WHO CAN’T GET A B ON A PROJECT, people. WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?

Ahem. I’d like to think I’ve relaxed a little since hitting adulthood, but truth be told, I’m kind of still that way.

But while I still often prefer to work alone and go at my own pace, I’ve learned:

A.) sometimes you just don’t have that option (like in the military where, at times, I haven’t been allowed to run to the bathroom without a buddy), and

B.) even the times when I thought I was “doing it on my own” in life – I still needed help from other people in various forms to succeed.

Like when I first joined the armed forces. I became a reserve naval officer after I was already 30 years old. I came in through a specific program that allowed civilians to apply even if you had never served in uniform before.

Going from knowing nothing to *poof!* You’re an officer! felt like being a toddler all over again. It was a strange combination of not understanding even the basic things, like when to salute, yet simultaneously being seen as an authority figure because of the rank on my chest.

Talk about imposter syndrome.

I stumbled around at first feeling like a child trying on adult clothes. I’d hesitantly mimic those around me, throwing out “sirs” and “copy thats,” not knowing if I was using terms correclty.

I practiced saluting in my mirror.

I googled how to wear my uniform.

Now, granted, the Navy trains you over time as well, but I wanted to make a good first impression so I tried to learn what I could before showing up in uniform.

Thankfully, I wasn’t the only newbie in my unit. I started forging friendships with some other brand new Ensigns and the number of times we had to ask each other “do you know how to do this?…” was comical.
The things we learned alone the hard way was even more comical. Like the first time I was ever saluted.

I was driving onto a base in gym clothes and the Marine guard saluted me. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to salute in gym clothes, or even if I was supposed to salute someone in a different branch of the military.

So I just panicked instead.

I halfway threw up my hand somewhere in the vicinity of my face, averted my eyes, and drove away hiding my embarrassed laughter. Surpringly enough, this is not proper protocol. I know better now.

Another time, one of my fellow newbies thought he was supposed to iron the creases out of his brand new dress uniform and spent the night before inspection cursing and pressing those stubborn lines until they were gone.

During inspections, he learned those creases were supposed to be there and he was corrected for not having them. We can laugh about this stuff. Now.

That iron-happy guy happened to be a gigantic former athlete with all sorts of accomplishments. To look at him, you’d think he had nothing to be worried about in the military. He looked intimidating and came from an impressive background. Yet I can’t tell you the number of times he told me he needed a “cry break.”

He was joking…but only sort of. He and I went through basically the Navy reserve equivalent of college orientation together. As we stopped by each station in our building, getting weighed and stamped and signed and directed, we both looked like lost bewildered cattle being shuffled through the barn. He told me he needed a drink at one point.

..it was during a session on preventing alcohol abuse.

Looking back on those days now just makes me smile. I’m so grateful to have had others to go through that confusion with and hold my hand when I needed it. Like the poor sailor in the medical department who patiently rebuilt my entire health record because for some reason it hadn’t been transferred correctly.

I sat there fishing out documents from a backpack, some of which dated back to kindergarten, as he painstakingly entered everything into one of the many electronic systems that now control my military life.

It took forty-five minutes.

The Hoops and Yoyo toy panic button that sat on his desk as a joke was hit twice during my appointment.

He eventually enlisted two other people to help with the mess (one of which saw me in the hallway later and whimpered “not again! not again!” as I approached. Yep. Starting off on the right foot, I was!)

So long story short, I’m very grateful that so many people in the Navy have been willing to “go together” with me even if I was dragging them down at the time. Now, when I’m the one helping someone else, I try to remember that.

Sure, it may take a little more time to share what I already know with someone struggling, but by collectively gathering the bits and pieces of knowledge we each have, we’ll likely both get further. And more than that, I feel like we get further in life fulfillment in general by helping each other. I realized that when I started having people ask me for advice on how to join the military the way I had.

Shortly after I joined the Navy, an old friend introduced me via email to a lady who was also interested in joining. I started downloading everything I could think of about the process I went through.

Every time she replied, she was full of gratitude and excitement, echoing back the emotions I felt less than a year before when I first decided to apply. It made my day.

It also made me realize that perhaps that’s one of the big points in life. To just help show others the way.

On days when I second-guess my skills, I know I can at least share what I’ve experienced and help illuminate someone else’s path. And that’s often more fulfilling than just moving “up” quickly. It’s moving along in life feeling connected and excited by those other humans around you.

It’s getting more out of life than just efficiency – it’s getting us all further.

Thank you to all the various people who have “gone” with me in life. Feel free to contact me if I can “go with” you on something!